Sunday, May 31, 2009

Because I cant breastfeed I'm a BAD mom?

I wrote this on another blog a while ago...but I thought I might share it again since I feel that my blogger friend Sue needs a bit of cheering up after her posting and to prove her wrong - Sue you are a FANTASTIC OUT OF THIS WORLD MOM.



Sya seen here barely a month old....




I admit in the begining I thought that because I cant breastfeed I had a defect. I thought I could cure it second time around with Sya, but unfortunately no.

They always say breast milk is best which bothers me. Its plastered in big huge letters on babymags, at the maternity clinic and everything and anything that has to do with mothering. When I cant breastfeed, I felt that I was a failure and that I couldn't provide for Liya. It bothered me a lot, especially everytime she gets sick, I'm blamed for not giving her breastmilk.

I thought that ok, when Sya comes along, I'm be fully prepared - second chance la katakan. Bought the whole lot : nursing boppy pillow (DH calls bantal U Mobile), breast pumps etc I didn't even buy more than 2 bottles sebab confident sangat, kali ni I wont go wrong.








ERK! wrong. Nature just didn't work for me AGAIN. I would cry and get really depressed, but it wasn't going to change anything.

It was worst because everyone kept asking "susu badan ke?". It was like being able to breastfeed means you get to wear the "perfect mom sash" with the Tiara - u know like the ratu-ratu wear.

I remember how I wanted to hit myself in the face when the doktor kerajaan made a harsh remark on me not being able to do so. No wonder some moms go meroyan.

Then when you read all the baby books, baby mag and baby website - all pro breastfeeding, they always say its an excuse NOT to breastfeed. Lagilah rasa macam I ni such a BAD MOM. Not to forget relatives giving tips, apa boleh buat, senyum sumbing dan angguk.

And the looks you get. They dont understand that you have exhaust all options. I have very short nipples (ok this is a parenting blog and that wasnt suppose to sound euw) The second time I tried it, the stupid nurse at the nursery pinch my nipples so hard I wanted to die. It was so traumatic, I dreaded going to the NICU. My parents bought nipple extensions but noooo....short nipples + very very little milk = hungry baby = exhausted dont want anything else but milk NOW.

But I did express a little bit of milk and fed Sya using a small spoon. It wasnt much. I do envy moms who have it mencurah-curah. I even cried and said sorry.

So I told myself, why dwell on what your body will or will not do. Breastfeeding should be a choice not something that determines whether you're a good mom or not.

I know that when I formula feed my daugthers, I snuggle and kiss them and I know thats bonding.

Like one website says, I quote
"And for the moms who try and can’t, guilt is not going to make the situation any easier to handle. The failure to breast-feed successfully can cause guilt on its own for these women. They do not need the added pressure of turning on the TV and being told that they are, in effect, killing their babies. For some women, breast-feeding is a very personal issue. The reasons that they choose to or not to breast-feed can be very diverse, not to mention personal. These women should not be made to feel guilty about their decision. The government should provide education to women, and then support them in whatever decision they make for their family." Breastfeeding VS Formula-feeding: Is Guilt the Answer?


I could not agree more!

5 comments:

  1. Just because we breastfeed, it doesn't really makes us good mothers..In fact Faye, I think you're like one of the most motherly person I known online... :-)

    I think what makes a good mother is the length you would go for your loved ones like,

    being there for them even when you yourself is not that well (I know you did that most of the time)

    like being able to sacrifice your career for them (like what you're doing right now)

    like doing things for & with them (when they grow up, your cooking will remind them of you, I bet)

    and that is only few examples I can think of at the moment..banyakj lagi sebenarnya ni...

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  2. terharu sgt baca entry nih... but sometime geram n at the same time i blame myself when ppl talked bout how good n best if BF. tp nak buat mcm mana, kita tak mampu... yer i cried n cried when i cant afford to BF my baby, n to ganti whch i know wont same, cari lar FM yg konon2 the highest end.

    but faye....i really adore u, u r so positive person. hope we cud meet in person one day

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  3. undomesticwifey : alaaa ur too kind, hish tertetas lagi bajuku kerana kembang dipuji hik hik hik

    Sue : there you go! think positive k!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Salam, awk dah cuba kan utk BF. Be a good mom bukan sbb BF tp how we raise our children kan.. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  5. everytime ppl ask "baby susu badan ker?" mula lah rasa malu yg teramat sgt, rasa mcm LOW sgt2.

    Bila jawab "Tak", it will usually followed by, "Kenapa?"

    Sesetengah org expect kite kena sama mcm diaorg. If tak sama, then kite nih tak normal lah.

    ReplyDelete

About Me

Farah Rahim is the co founder of the REAL FOOD movement in Malaysia under the local support group called "HOMEMADE - Air Tangan Ibu" as well as an advocate of managing asthma, allergies and eczema naturally via NaturalAAE. She's the official Malaysia's ambasador of Jamie's Food Revolution. When not an activist she's a Stay at Home Mom to 3 girls who loves nothing but good ol' homecooked meals.