Saturday, July 04, 2009

I asked my mom what overwhelmed means

Snowed under
Weighed Down
Up to your ears

I can go for on and on and on and on giving you these words that best describe moms in today’s society.

Opened the papers the other day and the headline reads – mom and 5 year old child in ICU, mom forced all kids and her self to take her psychiatric pills.

701 Astro on Oprah – Mom accidentally left child in car. The child died of heat stroke. Apparently it was the first day of school. She drove off early and the sitters were closed so she decided to proceed to her next stop – getting the donuts for the teachers (she was a vice principal at her school). After getting the donuts she went on to her next stop, completely forgetting about her 2 y.o at the back of the car sleeping. She went ahead to perform her work at the school, until 9 hours later, a colleague who had went to her car started screaming that her kid was still in her car.

She says, it’s often that when her kid is asleep she either runs or rushes to complete a task – like running into a store quickly to get something or rushing off to get something done.

I’m sure all mothers have done the rushing and running around to JUST get things done on time. But there are JUST not enough hours in the day sometimes to JUST get things done on time. Which reminds me to a question a friend once pointed out – how do even have time to WRITE let alone BLOG?

Tell me – if you’re a mom – regardless if you’re working or not – tell me if you are not even one inch bit OVERWHELMED?

I guess the ones with domestic help (a maid) might be only 50% overwhelmed with their kids and housework and might be overwhelmed with work at the office instead.

How about those who send their kids to the nursery and have no maids? I’ve been there. I’ve done that and I can’t tell you how OVERWHELMED that feels especially when DH is out stationed and I have a 4.30am shift.

What is it that drives moms over the edge like the one in the headlines or make moms become a statistic like that lady in Oprah?

Why do we push ourselves so hard…that we are often OVERWHELMED?
I guess it’s the pressure to be A GOOD MOTHER. A SUPERMOM.

And yet in the course of trying to become a good mother we forget to pace, pause and breathe.

I remember the lady in Oprah saying “Good mothers don’t do this to their child”

But it’s the stress of trying to become a good mother that drives us that way sometimes.

One of the reasons why I swapped financial freedom to good nurturing is because I had a working mom. I tried to mirror the stuff she did but I just CAN’T. I’m too exhausted and my mind is constantly flipping thru the stuff I need to do. Just like those red binoculars I had when I was a kid. Press down the black lever and you see another picture.

At the same time, I am not getting enough satisfaction as seeing someone else bring up my kid. I remembered the anger I had inside when my sitter text me and sat “Syasya can already sit!”. The frustration hit me so hard that I had a melt down and cried that night. What do I write in her milestone diary when it’s supposed to be something precious between her and me, something she should read when she’s 18? I’ve left it blank because I cannot bear to write the venue of the milestone event.

So after several melt downs, I paused…paced…breathe in deeper than I could ever imagine.

I wrote down the stuff I wanted

- I want to be the one taking care of my kids
- I want my own space and me time.

“Me time” is important – commented my x-lecture on facebook when she asked me why I was still up.

“I want to be the one taking care of my kids” is the excuse when I say “F*** the housework and the dirty dishes” and start to actually sit down and “play” with my little girl.

Because when she starts to be the apple of the eye of everyone in the family with her clever antics – I know I did something right even if I don’t have any money in the bank ;)

P/s for those who wonder where I even have time to WRITE let alone BLOG, the answer is I don’t. I usually write my ideas everywhere-saved on pieces of sticky yellow paper around the house or saved in my mobile-in keywords (like today’s piece is OVERWHELMED). Yes, like most of you I have ideas running in my head even when I’m changing my kid’s diaper or doing the dishes. I even take photos and say to myself I’m gonna blog about this. But I write them bit by bit on Microsoft Words or even notepad if I’m in a hurry.

Writing stuff for your blog doesn’t have to be the happenings of the day. If you write to inspire…then you’re forever release from the constrains of writing a blog
I know I have ;)

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