Wednesday, January 28, 2009


I've been quiet lately. Sitting very still, not making much movements even around the house.

This is strictly what the doctor has ordered for me.

All I can say is :

- back pain has worsen, with current like sensations
- lost of strenght to knees making it virtually impossible to climb stairs

But deep inside I am mad as hell. Mad at the stupid doctor at Klinik Idzham who snapped at me on during the wee hours of Tuesday morning just because I ask both a referal letter and an mc. He made me feel such an idiot and look so stupid.

I mean, takkan sebab I had an MC a day before he had to snap at me. Belum tentu pun dapat jumpa specialist at Ampang Hospital on the same day to determine whether I was fit to go to work or not. I strictly told him I wanted to go to Ampang Hospital and he was too drowsy (maybe coz its 5.00am) and wrote Ampang Putri Hospital (DUH!). So ING had faxed it to the wrong hospital and I had to call them.

Even so, true enough, I had to be put on a waiting list on Ampang Hospital's Ortho Clinic. They took my number and said, we'll call you. WTF!?? My hubby balik dgn marah2 tak puas hati.

He insisted we go back to Pantai, I insisted NO. I have all the benefits. Why should I waste good money during economic recession when it could go into much better use - walaupun insurance cover but still? Besides I am a blood donor, and not that I am asking anything special in return, I'm done my bit...not that I am hard up for free medical treatment, but this is MY time in need...hmm wishful thinking.

So I telan je la meds yg the previous doc had given. My was really in no shape to go to work. And as I grab for my handbag on the coffee table, I lost my balance, due to the sharp jabbing pain - managed to grab a chair and nasib baik fell on my right side (lambung kanan) and onto Baby Sya"s still spread out toto where she goleks and practice crawling. (sib baik Sya takde)

Later, it dawn on me that I could have fallen differently and hit my head on something...I could have....

I was on the floor for a good 15 minutes, crying my eyes out face down sya was crying in tune and DH clueless on what to do. He later came to his senses and sent baby sya to the sitters, came back and papah I slowly to the car. Nasib baik kakak sekolah with my parents Johor. Kalau tak KECOH.

After much fussing I asked to be wisked to GH. "I need to get my 2007 Ortho Clinic card." I said "Leave it" DH said.

He dropped me off infront of the emergency ward and I limped slowly asking 3 young ER attendants where the outpatient was (it didnt dawn on me as well that I had bruises everywhere from the fall)

One attendant professionally asked me what was wrong and suggested I proceed to the ER non critical section. Baik betul budak ni.

Again I face a cynical attending doctor and said to myself dalam HATI "hospital kerajaan..figures". Sabar, I reminded myself.

But after much passing around here and there I was lying on the ER bed being assesed by experts who immediately advise that I was warded pending further investigations.

So it was fate - 21 January 2008 - I was warded at 3rd class ward GH (becoz 1st class was full)

This hurt you know...for my meds

What I met later totally changed me in so many ways, I am still emotionally shaken by the experience...still.

The day I was warded, I watch a makcik struggle with death. She was diabetic and just had amputation. She was just released from ICU but no later than a few hours later, collapsed again. The doctors were shouting, the nurses were rushing here and there, the hospital equitments were buzzing. At 9am I saw her tapak kaki pink. At 11am it was pale. It reminded me of my arwah wak mon. Mom said, she knew it was not long because as she touched his legs, they were pale and cold.

Next to me there were beds and beds of old sick ladies. The one right next to me was on traction. She shed tears at one point becoz the nurse came and wipped it away. Her kids only came in the afternoon and left food in containers for her. She was only skin and bones so I cant imagine how she could feed herself.

When it came to meal times, let me just say, even mamak food looks more pleasing. For breakfast, We had very very cheap bread, 2 pieces spread with very little margerine and a cup of tea with milk (powdered). Lunch was served in those stainless trays - one meat/fish/chicken and one serving of veges. Let uneaten for 5 minutes would grow cold.

From across the room, there was one chinese lady, shouting every 10-15 minutes for attention from the docs and nurses. Rude comments followed. I guess, she's not anyone's mother there so no one had the decency to have it in their heart to say nice words back.

Since DH was in the midts of an important tender, he couldnt take time off. I spent my days lying, facing the window and thought of my own mom until I feel asleep.

Thats me...

The first afternoon I was awaken by a rude voice from a male visitor. He looked like he came out from one of those ROCK KAPAK album covers. What he said made me sick to the stomach.

"Tak boleh ke mak saya duduk sini lama sikit. Bukan ada orang nak jaga dia kat rumah pun"

When he left, during one of the doctor's rounds, the makcik looked at one doktor, held up her hand in an ampun-tuanku gesture and started crying.

"Makcik nak balik, tapi tak ada anak makcik yang sudi jaga"

2 days and 1 night in this ward was enough to make my JIWA KACAU. But I never uttered a word to anyone about my discomforts (ward panas ke, air tak sedap ke, apa ke) I remember my Cik Azah's advise "Kat GH kena sabar..."

Morning brieding for the nurses..I couldnt sleep so I snap-snappy

It didnt get better when I was transfered to 1st class. Not because the service was not any better. Food at 1st class was MARVELOUS.

The view from my room was SUPERB!

The view from my 1st class room

but thinking of what I experienced downstairs made me feel sick in the stomach when it came to meal times - I terasa seolah I was OVERPRIVILLEGED sedangkan orang kat bawah sana belum tentu boleh makan ke tak..

My 1st class breakfast...hmmm

Since my MRI can only be set on 5 Feb, I was given MC and strict instructions to rest (as if). I was given a choice to stay but I just wanted to go home and call my mom.

When I told her what I experienced, I broke down. "Along janji kalau Mama sakit, Along takkan biarkan Mama jadi macam tu...Along janji Ma...Along janji"

It also brings my thoughts to those kids in Gaza. Those run down hospitals they seek medical treatments. My 3rd class would have been their 1st class and that makes me even more sad.

Sekarang ni kat rumah I banyak termenung when I think about those 3 days in GH. I'll be warded again on the 4th. My husband asked if I wanted to be transfered to Pantai, I said...

...biarlah. Kalau dengan cara ini Allah swt meninsafkan I, I jadi lebih taat
pada suruhannya, I jadi penyabar, I jadi terlalu hormat pada parents & my
husband, I sentiasa sujud dan minta anak2 I jadi insan yg taat pada ibubapa, I bersyukur atas semua kemudahan yg I ada....I rela...I memang rela


  1. I'm deeply sympathised with what happened to you...

    This entry is such an eye-opener. Yelah, kadang2 kita rasa kita ni unlucky, padahal ada org yg lebih teruk daripada kita.

    We will only realize that when we see it with our own eyes...

    Well, everything happens for a reason. Thanx again for this entry. Do take care of yourself and jgn lupa makan ubat...

  2. Kikuri : was certainly an eye opener. I feel very fortunate actually at the moment walaupun I am not feeling well. Thanks for the wish. You take care too

  3. kesiannya kat u...hope u will be better soon...mmg kkdg keadaan mcm ni buat kita insaf kan...

  4. Liyana : Thanks for the wishes *hug*

  5. Wow..Nice sharing..thanks for these little extra reminder :) May Allah grant you a great health, aamiinn :)